The things they never tell you!

Here I am, 900 years (7.5months) pregnant with my 2nd basking in my almost 70 pound weight gain glory. I had just come home from my 3rd visit to the ER with high blood pressure and headaches and I decided to document this glorious time >>>insert laughter <<<. I’m actually pretty sure I took this picture to remind myself to NEVER have another baby ever again. At this point I could barely breath, I waddled everywhere I went and I only had 1 pair of shoes that fit. I recently saw this picture in my time hop on FB and decided to share a couple of little tid bits I WISH someone would have told me .

1) After you have a baby you are never the same again . When I say ” the same ” I mean it in both a good and “bad” way. For me becoming a mother made me feel like a real women. Now …for those of you who read my posts who do not have children I am in no way shape or form saying you are not a women unless you have a baby. I’m just saying FOR ME I felt like a real adult after I gave birth. I had curves in places I never did , my outlook on myself and others changed and I learned about a different kind of love.

2) Remember I talked about the bad? Let’s touch on that for a minute. Ever heard of alphabet boobs? They go from b,c,d and maybe even f. Now … at first it can be pretty awesome having a pair of huge brand new boobs that you don’t even have to pay for but then the worst thing might end up happening. You lose weight and your new boobs go bye bye. For me gaining 60+ pounds several times back to back and breast feeding for at least a year left my girls looking pretty damn pitiful. I want to put an image in your head . Have you ever found a 2 week old ballon under your couch after a kids party? Ya know the kind that’s wrinkled on top and flabby at the bottom? BINGO. Imagine having those hang off your post baby body. Good times , good times 🙂

3) Childbirth is not full of “period like cramps, pressure waves and back pain. It’s more like breaking 100 bones and waking through the depths of hell while having a cantaloupe coming out of your whoha. Somehow,someway I forgot exactly what it was like to push a little bundle of joy out. I mean it doesn’t hurt that bad right ? Bet your ass I remembered after my last and supposedly “easy 6 pound baby” was delivered. This isn’t meant to scare any of you soon to be Mommas but I just wanna spread the truth that shit can get real serious real fast !

4) Whatever  you do take the damn stool softener. Literally NO ONE told me how hard it would be to take a poop after I gave birth. After my emergency c section, medication filled first childbirth experience I didn’t have the urge for 11 days. Yes 11 long days. For a new Mom worrying about the baby, trying to figure out breastfeeding, trying to eat enough and stay hydrated, sitting my sore , swollen ass on the toilet was the last thing in my mind. On the 11th day during my spaghetti dinner with my family I finally felt so full I couldn’t even eat. After sitting on the toilet for 45 minutes crying and trying, my poor significant other had to literally pull the impacted poop from my butt. Talk about love !You are probably wondering why I was swollen down there if I had a c section ?! Another excellent question. I had preeclampsia and was super fluid filled and alllllll that fluid decided to take a fluid shift after I gave birth and migrated down south. Yup, imagine the look on my face when I finally got out of bed the day after my surgery and waddled to the bathroom and feel ” something ” between my legs. I lifted my gown and discovered I looked like I was trying to smuggle 2 hotdogs down there ! If someone would have only told me !
Xoxo

MHS