Edit: I wrote this last night , I considered deleting it but won’t because it’s ok to be vulnerable , it’s ok to show people I’m only human.
I’m currently having many first world problems and some not so first world problems. I woke up today to 3 fraudulent charges on my bank account. After spending forever on the phone I got no where. I have 8 broken nails from moving,I ripped another pair of Lularoe leggings and my damn hair got wet today. I went to the grocery store and lost my keys in there for 15 mins right before school let out .I spilled a bag of cheetos in my truck and then realized the cheetos were the only thing I ate all day. I finally found my invisilign trays after they have been missing for 2 weeks and decided to clean them up. Unfortunately ,my back up trays got thrown out at work last shift and no one wanted to fess up so I had to make these fit again .I brought the trays home and boiled them since they had been found outside and were covered in dirt. You know what happened next !! Forgot them on the stove while reading the kids a bedtime story. I smelled the burning plastic and even though I ran downstairs it was too late. As I came inside from literally throwing the pot on the sidewalk tears welled up in my eyes. I decided to take a shower and get in bed and look on FB. I just saw a video of Santa saying a child died in his arms at a children’s hospital. Suddenly, all of my recent problems seem not only small but very fixable. I had an old partner tell me ” There are things that matter and things that don’t “. All of the above DO NOT really matter. I think it’s important to validate my feelings a bit but not to stew in them. I could go on and on but for what ?? At this point I’ll just say ” Jesus” , put down my phone and close my eyes hoping for a better day tomorrow:)
” Mommy what’s that sign in our yard?” Explaining to a 7 year old that the house ” you borrowed” is now up for sale wasn’t in my agenda 3 weeks before Christmas. The last 8 months of this crazy, eventful and very unexpected adventure in our lives has come to an end on the farm. Who would have known that packing up and moving 90 miles from our family property would prove to be one of the most fulfilling and healing times I’ve ever experienced. It was not only a blessing to be able to wake up each day to the most beautiful Carroll county sunrises but also so breathtaking to go to bed staring at a sky full of bright shining stars at night. If you live in the city you need to spend a night in the sticks to know what I’m talking about!
Getting up each morning , greeting my chickens and cats , collecting eggs and then cooking fresh eggs for both the kids and animals was surely one of my favorites. 15 years ago, if you would have told me that I’d find joy in doing something like this I’d call you crazy ! We all learned what it’s like to finally just sit back and enjoy life and the simple things it has to offer. When the highlight of your kids day is watching the train come by instead of the 3pm airing of SpongeBob, something changes inside of you as a parent …. and as a person. I feel like I finally stopped to smell the roses, didn’t mind getting a little dirty and enjoyed just watching the clouds go by while laying in the grass in the pasture. I needed this, we needed this and my heart feels so full talking about it.
While I’ll miss all those simple pleasures I won’t miss the sometimes 2 hour one way commute several times a week! I also won’t miss the 10 times we made it all the way home to realize I was out of diapers or milk and the closest store is miles away. I won’t miss the $300 electric bills from living in an old farm house or the fact that we didn’t have water for months because our well took a dump.
Many of you are reading this and wondering the fate of our beloved animals. Well, Luella was finally rehomed. If you remember from a while back we had a huge problem of her trying to kill and a couple of times succeeding on ending the other animals. She then got snippy with the kids and finally me. As the vet explained ” sometimes the huge change of moving to a farm is too much for a dog to handle “. She’s going to a lovely new home where children won’t be chasing her with toys and trying to ride her like a mini horse. The cats and chickens will go live in my Southern Maryland farm, that will be soon coming off of the market. Note to self: Don’t attempt to sell a home 3 weeks before Christmas 🙁 . I will continue to keep that house as a rental property and set up my little farming life down there.
After a summer of event planning I have also decided that this is not the route for me and God bless the souls that do that kind of work LOL. My ADHD doesn’t allow for all the small details to be covered and I’d rather be enjoying my time at events rather than organizing them and then running around all day like a crazy person trying to make them perfect.
All of these memories made and lessons learned will be appreciated for years to come. There’s no price you can put on an experience like this and I only pray that the next chapter of our lives will be just as exciting and joyous. Thanks for the love and support !